It's been a few weeks since I've posted an update...actually it's been a full month now that I look back at the date... and life has been hard. On July 10th I lost my mom and one of the best friends anyone could ask for and I'm still not sure I've come to terms with it. I often reach for my cell to call her like I would several times a day to say good morning, or tell her something silly her grand-dog had done and I miss those little moments like crazy. Knowing she doesn't have to struggle anymore and that she's with my nephew in Heaven is comforting and I feel so blessed that I was given the gift of saying goodbye and being with her and my family in those final moments. I have never ever witnessed the kind of bravery as I did in her that day.
The weeks following have been a blur. As hard as the week of mom's funeral was - I was lucky enough to be surrounded by family and friends and the love and support was overwhelming. Someone mentioned to me during that time that it was amazing to see how close my highschool girlfriends and I still were after 15 years and I am so grateful for that, they were there for me and my family each and every day making sure I ate, holding me when I cried or just sitting quietly with me. It was also wonderful to be surrounded by family everyday and perhaps the hardest moment for me was when everyone started going home and "real" life had to resume.
"Real life" however didn't really resume for me right away as the following week was spent at a work training, the "Maryland Library Leadership Institute" in Port Deposit, Maryland. Truly this was for me just what the doctor ordered... It was intensive and engaging and kept my mind occupied almost every waking second. I was lucky enough to have a fabulous group of peers to work with through the week (Thanks 46% Fairly Content!) and I must say it lived up to the praise of all of my coworkers who have gone before me through this program. I learned a lot about myself and how to push out of my comfort zone at work and hope that it will carry over into my personal life as well. Plus - the food was amazing!! The "meal" bell rang five times a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and morning and afternoon snack. Fresh baked scones/tarts/and cookies between meals is something I will definitely miss but I'm sure my trainer at the gym will be glad was only for a week!
So now after a week of being able to distract myself I find myself back in the real world and it's definitely an adjustment...one I'm taking day by day as I work through my grief, prepare for a crazy busy week at work, and try to regain some focus on making myself a better person. I took a look at my list to see if I had in fact accomplished any of my goals in the last month and this is where I'm at:
a. I tried a new recipe (new to me anyway) and made dad some barbecue with mom's recipe. He liked it much better than when I cook with my own recipes :-)
b. I ordered fish at a restaurant and had tuna steak when we went out with Chad's mom 4th of July weekend. It was good... but not as good as the Rockfish I had in Ocean City!
c. I pushed my comfort zone by speaking at my mother's funeral. I didn't think I had it in me but I did and it was a blessing to be able to honor the woman who meant the most to me in life and I thank God for helping me get through it.
Today it's off to see my dad and hang out with the family...and tomorrow back to the library for the first time in two weeks...and whatever comes my way I'll just take it one day at a time.
